This blog could be considered a little NSFW simply because I swear a lot.pigfarts-pigfarts-here-i-come:
Today my mom wasn’t home, so my eight year old sister asked me to set some words for her so she could write her daily sentences. I knew she did them every day, but I’ve never bothered to read them before.
My sister is a lot of things. She’s extremely smart, fairly quiet, and absolutely hilarious. But today I learned two new things about her:
a) my sister does not have a way with the written word
b) my sister is addicted to crack cocaine
I don’t know what the fuck she’s smoking but I want in on it sweet baby jesus I did not know what to do with myself while I was reading some of these
what is wrong with her
I don’t even understand what some of these mean
(Source: higgitusfiggitus)
Nier has the best music
Can we just take a moment to appreciate the beautiful eargasms that make up the soundtrack to Nier?
The following quotations are taken from official court records across the nation, showing how funny and embarrassing it is that recorders operate at all times in courts of law, so that even the slightest inadvertence is preserved for posterity.
Lawyer: "Was that the same nose you broke as a child?"
Witness: "I only have one, you know."
-----
Lawyer: "Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?"
Witness: "By death."
Lawyer: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
-----
Accused, Defending His Own Case: "Did you get a good look at my face when I took your purse?"
The defendant was found guilty and sentenced to ten years in jail.
-----
Lawyer: "What is your date of birth?"
Witness: "July 15th."
Lawyer: "What year?"
Witness: "Every year."
-----
Lawyer: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
Witness: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
-----
Lawyer: "Can you describe what the person who attacked you looked like?"
Witness: "No. He was wearing a mask."
Lawyer: "What was he wearing under the mask?"
Witness: "Er...his face."
-----
Lawyer: "This myasthenia gravis -- does it affect your memory at all?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And in what ways does it affect your memory?"
Witness: "I forget."
Lawyer: "You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?"
-----
Lawyer: "How old is your son, the one living with you?"
Witness: "Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which."
Lawyer: "How long has he lived with you?"
Witness: "Forty-five years."
-----
Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?"
Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'"
Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?"
Witness: "My name is Susan."
-----
Lawyer: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "Did you check for breathing?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
Witness: "No."
Lawyer: "How can you be so sure, Doctor?"
Witness: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
Lawyer: "But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?"
Witness: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere."
-----
Lawyer: "What happened then?"
Witness: "He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.'"
Lawyer: "Did he kill you?"
Witness: "No."
-----
Lawyer: "Now sir, I'm sure you are an intelligent and honest man--"
Witness: "Thank you. If I weren't under oath, I'd return the compliment."
-----
Lawyer: "You were there until the time you left, is that true?"
-----
Lawyer: "So you were gone until you returned?"
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Lawyer: "The youngest son, the 20 year old, how old is he?"
-----
Lawyer: "Were you alone or by yourself?"
-----
Witness: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
Lawyer: "Was this a male or a female?"
-----
Lawyer: "I show you Exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture."
Witness: "That's me."
Lawyer: "Were you present when that picture was taken?"
-----
Lawyer: "Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?"
-----
Lawyer: "Do you know how far pregnant you are now?"
Witness: "I'll be three months on November 8."
Lawyer: "Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "What were you doing at that time?"
-----
Lawyer: "She had three children, right?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "How many were boys?"
Witness: "None."
Lawyer: "Were there girls?"
-----
Lawyer: "You say that the stairs went down to the basement?"
Witness: "Yes."
Lawyer: "And these stairs, did they go up also?"
-----
Lawyer: "What is your brother-in-law's name?"
Witness: "Borofkin."
Lawyer: "What's his first name?"
Witness: "I can't remember."
Lawyer: "He's been your brother-in-law for years, and you can't remember his first name?"
Witness: "No. I tell you, I'm too excited." (rising and pointing to his brother-in-law) "Nathan, for heaven's sake, tell them your first name!"
-----
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in New York?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Chicago?"
Witness: "I refuse to answer that question.
Lawyer: "Did you ever stay all night with this man in Miami?"
Witness: "No."
-----
Lawyer: "Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
Witness: "All my autopsies have been performed on dead people."
-----
Lawyer: "Were you acquainted with the deceased?"
Witness: "Yes sir."
Lawyer: "Before or after he died?"
-----
Lawyer: "When he went, had you gone and had she, if she wanted to and were able, for the time being excluding all the restraints on her not to go, gone also, would he have brought you, meaning you and she, with him to the station?"
Other Lawyer: "Objection. That question should be taken out and shot."
-----
Lawyer: "And what did he do then?"
Witness: "He came home, and next morning he was dead."
Lawyer: "So when he woke up the next morning he was dead?"
-----
Lawyer: "Could you see him from where you were standing?"
Witness: "I could see his head."
Lawyer: "And where was his head?"
Witness: "Just above his shoulders."
-----
Lawyer: "Any suggestions as to what prevented this from being a murder trial instead of an attempted murder trial?"
Witness: "The victim lived."
Excuse the fuck out of me.
Some of us live in places where the only place you can buy comics is Barnes and Noble.
Some of us don’t like comics because of the decades of continuity, complicated multiple universes, and the fact that, while there is a huge amount of talent in the industry, there are countless comics that have been tainted by poor writing and artwork.
Some of us prefer films because it is more relevant to our interests.
Some of us don’t have the income or time to spare to enjoy comics.
You don’t need to have read the comics to appreciate or be a fan of a character.
This attitude of superiority from people who are “real fans” because they read the comics makes me rage so hard.
Maybe people would be more eager to read comics if comic fans were more inclusive.
Yeah, I know, it’s not like you can find them online or anything!
LET ME EMPHASIZE THAT FOR YOU
Yeah, I know, it’s not like you can find them online or anything!
- Yeah, I know, it’s not like you can find them online or anything!
- Yeah, I know, it’s not like you can find them online or anything!
- Yeah, I know, it’s not like you can find them online or anything!
reasons why this is dumb
- idk what comic fans YOU’RE talking to but we really aren’t all that inclusive
- don’t insult comics
- don’t say you ‘don’t have time’ to read a FUCKING BOOK because honestly that’s really sad
- if you don’t have time to read a book then you don’t have time to go on tumblr
- barnes & noble wtf go on amazon get that shit used
- wOW COMICS ARE SO **COMPLICATED** no they actually aren’t just pick a story arc and read
- you’ve seen one movie? wow great good for you but there is not that much you can learn about Loki from one or two movies
- the comics are better
- comics >movies
- the end
Have any of you idiots considered that the comic book industry is sexist as hell and makes ALL comics, whether they’re good or progressive or not, really fucking off-putting?
This argument is stupid. And dumb. I can do it, too.
Excuse the fuck out of me while I just…
I hope you see how fucking dumb this “YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THIS SO YOU AREN’T A REAL FAN” story is now, okay? OKAY? Good. Fuck all of you, I’m willing to bet the majority of you don’t know actual shit about the story of Loki as per Norse mythology outside of the fact Sleipnir is his child. So, by your own argument, none of you are real fans either and should go fuck yourself.
This is an ADULT LINK. Click at your own risk; you have been warned.
(Source: butts-the-cat)
noxi:
Sorry for removing the comments. But goddamn.
LMFAO
AHAHAH HOLY SHIT
OH MY FUCKING GOD IM DYING
That was… horrific. And funny. Not horrifically funny. Just horrific. And funny. And I felt so wrong when I laughing hysterically at the end because it was also kind of horrifying and I just… just…
…. nightmare fuel. Hilarious nightmare fuel that is going to haunt me for the next week.
#this is what I’ll show my kids when they cry to me about being unable to snap their fingers
(Source: justtouchedawkwardly)
…I apologize for what you’re seeing on your dashboard right now.
I saw a video of this on Tumblr yesterday and showed my brother. We spent last night watching a bunch of them…I laughed so much I could have died…xDI’ve put the links to each one if anyone would like to ‘lmfao’.intense internal screaming
God bless Japan.
